A sackful of festive goodies for the time of peace and goodwill

Being the season of peace and goodwill when giving and receiving gifts is part and parcel of the Christmas I start this week with gifts I would like to offer to various people.

I would gift a copy of one of my favourite songs 'All The Lies That You Told Me' to each member of the government.

When they have played this over and over again I would then gift them several visits to the singer of that song—writtten by the late and much loved Christie Hennessy—Frances Black in her new role as a counsellor!

Individually I would also gift certain politicians the following:

To Taoiseach Bertie Ahern the song 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life", or possibly 'One Day At A Time'.

To Tanaiste, Mary Harney - a drum(m) kit to make more noise.
To Noel Dempsey, a copy Chuck Berry's 'Riding Along in My Automobile.
To Sports Minister, Seamus Brennan, a crystal ball to help him keep in touch with the Gaelic Players Association.

To Defence Minister, Willie O'Dea, a train set to play with instead of a gun.
To Education Minister, Mary Hanafin, a magic loo which would work without water for every school in the country.
To Finance Minister, Brian Cowen, a smiling device for when he is assumed into political heaven in the not too distance future.

To Environment Minister, John Gormley, The Serenity Prayer which reads, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Finally, to Foreign Affairs Minister, Dermot Ahern, the Frank Sinatra hit, 'Come Fly With Me'.

'Don't Forget Your Shovel If You want To Go To Work' was written by Christie Hennessy and became a hit for Christy Moore. But in the case of three of our government ministers it might be reworded to read 'Don't Forget Your Blusher If You want To Go To Work'.

I was dismayed to read that the taxpayer has been forced, and without approval, to fork out €250,000 for make-up for Bertie Ahern, Mary Harney and Brian Cowen.